I’d felt it in my bones long before the day arrived—like being blindfolded and tied to railway tracks. The vibrations grew stronger as the heavy train drew near.
I’d heard it gets easier with time, but I think that’s a lie.
I’ve only grown duller and lonelier as the days and years pass.
There is no resolution. Just facing it, again and again, forever.
A few nights back, I lit a bonfire to burn off “the bad.” It felt necessary to make room for renewal—to have a fresh start under the stars.
I’d just put another log on the fire when I heard what seemed like a million bats overhead, clicking away in the dark cedars. Beautiful creatures, but I didn’t want to intrude. So I put out the fire and headed inside.
Something heavy and unfinished crept in with the smoke.
It lingered for days, fading in and out like morning fog on a backcountry road.
It haunted me until the day arrived.
I truly hate this day.
September 16th.
The third anniversary of my best friend Tanner’s passing.
I miss you, Brother.
I hope you’re doing well.
